It’s been just about two years since my last post and hiatus from the divorced breadwinner mom blog. Many changes have occurred in my life during that time, changes that have reinforced my belief that a life you love after divorce is not only possible, but likely. I’m not planning to resume regular posts here, but I am going to leave the site up as a resource for future divorcing moms seeking resources and support. Use the search function or browse by category to find the resources and encouragement you need, wherever you are in the divorce process.
A few updates about the ongoing changes in my own life, along with a few new resources, follow. Since my last post in April 2015, I sold my big (almost 5000 square foot) house and moved to a lovely home of much more manageable size (1800 SF) in an eclectic neighborhood near parks and open space. Cleaning out 16 years’ worth of accumulations, finding temporary housing (thanks to one of my brothers we had a place for the summer while I house-hunted), finding a home that fit my new needs in a hot housing market, and navigating the emotional ups and downs of such a big change took a lot of physical and emotional energy. However, we all survived the transition, and a few more, as well.
All of my “kids” are now young adults. My youngest turned 21 last month. I made places for each of them in my new home, as they are all in in-between places of their own. My oldest lived with me for two years and has recently returned to graduate school. My middle son is about to graduate with a DPT and is heading for a doctoral program. He moved in when my oldest moved out and spent the fall here in town during one of his clinical rotations. The youngest is in college and searching for the right major, yet blossoming in a new town with new friends and activities. It’s a joy to watch as they each thrive in their own ways and to establish adult relationships with each of them as individuals.
I’ve been able to use my experiences going through divorce and creating a new life for myself in its aftermath to help several friends through the process over the past few years, too. While divorce is not something I would wish on anyone, it happens to many of us – some unexpectedly, some after years of soul-searching. Being able to offer support, encouragement, and practical advice during the process is one of the gifts of my own divorce and recovery over these past 9+ years.
For those of you new to the blog site, I’ve included many resources on these pages, including my 3 e-books:
- Create a Life You Love after Divorce – available on amazon.com
- 7 Practices for Financial Well-being after Divorce – free when you sign up using the sidebar on the right (Note that I am not sending a regular newsletter these days, so you will not be receiving emails after the initial sign-up.)
- The Breadwinner Mom’s Guide to Making Peace with Divorce – download a copy free from this page.
Feel free to browse or search the site for other resources and specific topics.
I’m still available for consultation or coaching upon request. You can contact me via my Contact Form for more information or to ask any questions.
A few final words about the life I love nine years after divorce: Life isn’t perfect. There have been challenges, fears, losses, and uncertainties. Some as a direct result of divorce, others as just part of life on life’s terms. But there have been joys, freedoms, new friendships, improved relationships with family, and a much better balance of work and play.
It’s unlikely that I’ll be retiring any time soon, as most divorced moms find when they assess their financial situations. As a result, my approach is to enjoy the life I’m living now rather than waiting for someday. For me that includes blocking out at least one day on most weekends to get outdoors and hike, climb, ski, bike, and explore the Colorado wilderness; making family and friends a priority more often; and putting my consulting work into better balance by keeping reasonable work hours and limiting overtime and weekend work to true emergencies (which are few and far between when viewed from this perspective).
I’ve tried a lot of new things (climbing, skiing, alpine snow climbing, to name a few) and made new friends through these activities and other, less active undertakings. My new approach has allowed me to try things and gives me permission to let them go if I don’t enjoy them after a few attempts. My time and financial budgets allow for these fun activities, coffee or meals with friends on occasion, and a reasonable amount of self-care (such as a monthly house cleaner and a gym membership that I actually make time to use).
I don’t know what your life after divorce will look like, but I do know your new freedom will allow you the opportunity to discover for yourself who you are and what you like, and to create a new life you love. I hope you’ll give it a try.