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Divorced Moms: When Uncertain, Ask for Signs

Whether it’s deciding about getting divorced or keeping the marital home, or whether it’s a decision about something on a smaller scale, are you asking for signs? And if you’re asking, are you paying attention to them when they show up?12-IMG_20141122_121456221

Asking for signs is something we divorced (or potentially divorced) moms can always do. We just have to remember to ask and then watch for answers. Those answers may not come in the form we’re expecting or in the way we want, but they will come if we are open to them. Here’s how this can work. 

I’ve written a lot over the years about ways to decide about biggies like getting divorced, and I’m also a strong proponent of giving yourself time if you’re confused or uncertain, as wrote about in an early post on the topic. But what about decisions you need to make quickly or within a specific timeframe?

There are a couple of options I like, and they can be used together as well. These are:

  • Ask for a sign.
  • Tell the Universe your plans and ask to be stopped or blocked if that is not the way to proceed.

Florence Scovel Shin is one spiritual writer who was a strong proponent of asking for signs, and Tosha Silver draws heavily on her approach in the book Outrageous Openness, which I recently read and reviewed. If you want some great examples of how this works and prayers to help you try it out, I highly recommend that book. Here’s a recent example of my own.

Over the weekend I hiked up Pikes Peak from the less popular or “back” side. I’ve done this hike before in the summer but not in the late fall, and I wasn’t sure what the conditions would be like. I set out with the attitude that I would enjoy the hike and not be too concerned about making it to the top. But the higher I got the more I wanted to summit. However, it was quite cold, and the winds were picking up. And although I was prepared to spend the night if I had to, I didn’t really want to this time out. So I asked for a sign this way: “I really want to make it to the top, but I also really want to return safely. If I’m supposed to turn around, please send a sign. Otherwise I’ll keep going.

I kept going for another 20 minutes. It got colder and windier. I stopped at a particularly scenic overlook to take some pictures using my phone’s camera. My phone  turned off even though it said it had plenty of charge left. Was that a sign? Not sure.

After another 10 or 15 minutes, I passed a couple guys heading down. I started feeling a little doubtful about making it up and back before dark given the time and conditions, but I still wanted to keep going. After a few more minutes I stopped to check the time. I booted up my phone and figured I’d try another picture as the scenery was spectacular, and the phone said the battery had plenty of charge. I couldn’t hold the camera steady because of the wind, and as I tried to take a picture, the phone turned off. I rebooted it again, and as I tried for a picture, the wind blew me off balance, and the phone shut down again.

last pic before shutdown

last pic before shutdown

Was that a sign? I believe it was. It was time to to shut my hike down and turn around! I reluctantly turned around and headed down. The timing was perfect:  I arrived at the trailhead just as the sun was setting!

The signs weren’t as clear as a path being blocked or a voice in my head instructing me to turn back. But they were enough to trigger my inner knowing into paying attention to the smart decision. I think this is how they work sometimes. When we aren’t clear, or when something is blocking us from honoring our inner knowing (self-will, ego, societal expectations, fear…) a sign can be just the thing to help us see past the block to the truth, if we are paying attention.

So give it try. Pick something in life after divorce – or maybe even your divorce decision itself – and ask for a sign. I’d love to know how it works out for you.

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